<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>The church you go to pray in it, the work is on the outside by AlltheB7</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27887662">The church you go to pray in it, the work is on the outside</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlltheB7/pseuds/AlltheB7'>AlltheB7</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>B/7 Single shots [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Trek: Voyager</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, contemplations on identity, mixed race characters</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 16:02:03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,245</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27887662</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlltheB7/pseuds/AlltheB7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>B'Elanna and Seven delve into their identities in a quiet moment of celebration.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Seven of Nine/B'Elanna Torres</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>B/7 Single shots [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2041984</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Women of Star Trek</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The church you go to pray in it, the work is on the outside</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Previous bits are lighter, this one is not. An exploration between characters because there is a lot left unsaid in Voyager and not all of it fits. It starts romantic, let it fool you if you like.</p><p>Most of this was written, except the end of the writing which was wrapped up today to Ibeyi - Oya: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nAzjmDZD4aY</p><p>Title from Jay Electronica's Better in Tune with the Infinite</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>B'Elanna looked at the replicator for a second then keyed in a code. Her order materialized and she turned to Seven with two cups of sparkling liquid in them.</p><p>Seven's eyebrow arched, "This is unexpected."</p><p>B'Elanna scowled and Seven felt the tug in her gut, reminder of her inability to grasp the nuance of tact.</p><p>"What were you expecting?" B'Elanna nearly growled. Though her hair was a bit fluffier and ruffled from crawling through the tubes, she  presented a formidable force.</p><p>As Seven began calculating the appropriate response, she saw B'Elanna's angry expression twitch, then fight back a smile. This usually indicated B'Elanna was feigning irritation.</p><p>"I would have thought blood wine more your style." Seven flatly retorted. B'Elanna snorted as Seven took the proffered beverage.</p><p>"You did well, but Jeffries tubes are not where you EARN blood wine."</p><p>B'Elanna took a meandering path to a table near a window and as she glanced up with quiet mirth, she glimpsed Seven smiling into her glass. Her hearts thumped erratically for a second and she bumped into the chair.</p><p>"If you cannot stand on your own, Lieutenant, perhaps you should not have alcohol."</p><p>B'Elanna glared darkly in response before clearing her throat to move on. "Well, you cannot have synthehol because deactivates your nanoprobes, so, I think it's safer if we just have the real thing." B'Elanna paused and eyed Seven warily "Unless you're going to narc on me to the Captain, that is."</p><p>"I am no 'snitch', Lieutenant."</p><p>Dark eyes stay narrowed until the growing smile widened and broke the assessing stare.</p><p>"Good. Well, I will say this, Seven, we survived two weeks of coordinated work in engineering. I believe a small toast is deserved to our efforts."</p><p>Seven felt a strange sensation of warmth moving from her chest through her body. It felt as if someone was moving a heater over her body. She quickly analysed the reaction and determined it irrelevant as she smiled at B'Elanna.</p><p>"Thank you, Lieutenant."</p><p>B'Elanna smiled and earnestly spoke "Here's to surviving three days in the Jeffries tubes. Thank you."</p><p>Seven watched B'Elanna's face as she held out her glass. Something like this had never happened with B'Elanna. B'Elanna's eyes were bright and open, albeit there was a tired air about her. She liked B'Elanna's eyes on her.</p><p>B'Elanna leaned forward and spoke as if she were telling a secret no one could hear, "When 'toasting', you gently clink cups and then drink."</p><p>Seven already knew that information. She had assimilated it during one of her dating lessons with the doctor. She gave a small smile and clinked the cup against B'Elanna's before bringing the drink to her lips and swallowing. Acidic and crisp, it tasted of stale air but left her tongue bubbly.</p><p>Wincing a little, B'Elanna tilted her head to the side, "Real champagne is a bit better."</p><p>Seven tilted her head for a fraction of a second before brushing off the strange experience. She would analyze her reactions later.</p><p>Seven's voice dropped as she replied, "Indeed."</p><p>B'Elanna's quizzical expression disappeared and she took in a deep breath and exhaled. The crick in her neck started to sing louder as the rest of the muscles around it relaxed. B'Elanna pushed the anger at the pain down into her gut and gingerly cocked her head, trying to alleviate the pain.</p><p>Seven watched B'Elanna move slowly, she watched the delicate skin of B'Elanna's neck, the strain of tendons, muscle, and veins. She felt the heat again, only this time it moved through her gut. Attraction, Seven suddenly realized, she was experiencing feelings of attraction to Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres.</p><p>"Seven? Starbase to Seven, come in," B'Elanna was now looking at Seven. "You okay?"</p><p>Seven cleared her throat and sat up straighter. "Yes, my apologies, Lieutenant. I was, as you say 'lost in thought.'" B'Elanna lifted her chin, but said nothing. Seven sipped the beverage to take up time as she thought of something to say. Seven moved on "I have noticed that you seem to be experiencing neck pain. Are you alright?"</p><p>B'Elanna groaned, "Yeah, I'm fine. I've had this neck cramp for days now and it's been driving me nuts." She rubbed the tight spot and winced.</p><p>"If it is acceptable to you, may I offer a neck rub?"</p><p>"At this point, anything is acceptable."</p><p>Seven's brow furrowed slightly, then "Even Leola root stew?"</p><p>B'Elanna burst into a  laugh, grinning wide.</p><p>"I have redundant stomachs. Did the resident Borg forget her eidetic memory?"</p><p>Seven shifted as if to sit up straighter, face serious at the use of borg.</p><p>"Yes, please," B'Elanna clarified.</p><p>Seven stood and walked behind the lieutenant. She felt a flutter in her gut as her hands hovered over B'Elanna's neck. She dismissed the sensation and gently slid her fingers to the base of B'Elanna's neck. Her skin was warmer than Seven's, almost hot. And smooth. Not just smooth, but soft. Seven began prodding around to find the clenched tissue. She heard B'Elanna take in a deep breath and exhale. B'Elanna let her head drop forward. It was quiet, so Seven decided to engage in "idle chit chat".</p><p>"I have been practicing how to give massages."</p><p>A muffled "Oh?" came up from B'Elanna. She then groaned as Seven worked a clenched spot, "Not that I'm complaining," B'Elanna all but grunted, enjoying it, "but isn't a massage irrelevant?"</p><p>Seven felt her eyebrow pop up and quelled her smile, pursing her lips together. "I decided to practice in order to learn to better control fine motor muscles in my left hand and arm. At the time I started to learn, I found that my enhanced appendage, while I control it, required a different kind of focus in order to achieve the same pressure and force of my right hand."</p><p>B'Elanna listened, much more relaxed, and tried to feel a difference between Seven's hands. Her hands moved smoothly, strong, but at no point did B'Elanna feel as though Seven's enhanced hand pressed too hard or was compensating.</p><p>Seven continued, "Massage allows me to practice and find symmetry." A moment passed and Seven slid a hand to the front of B'Elanna's neck and gently lifted under B'Elanna's chin so that she could better press into the clenched muscle.</p><p>B'Elanna was relaxed and the gesture elicited an electric jolt through her chest down to her center. She shivered a moment, feeling the goosebumps rise in her arms. Awareness of their positions crept into B'Elanna's conscious thoughts.  Seven's left hand cradled B'Elanna's neck and half her face while the other gently increased pressure on the cramp. It was intimate. B'Elanna felt vulnerable.</p><p>Seven felt the shift in B'Elanna's pulse and gently finished the massage.</p><p>"I believe I was able to loosen up the cramp,  but you may want to see the doctor if it does not go away."</p><p>B'Elanna took in a deep breath and slowly tilted her head from one side to the other.</p><p>"That was" B'Elanna paused for dramatic flair "effective. Thank you."</p><p>She smiled up at Seven as Seven returned to her seat.</p><p>"Lieutenant," Seven began laying out the question she had formulated weeks ago, "I have found that many crew members find me both attractive and repugnant. It is difficult to determine when a fellow crew member will cease to be kind because something I say or do comes across as 'Borg'. I cannot cease being Borg and I cannot stop being human. I am neither and I am both. This is difficult for crew members, especially Federation crew members. Anything dissimilar from Federation guidelines is perceived as a threat, nothing I say will change their minds."</p><p>B'Elanna felt her hearts contract. Then came the self hate, which led to anger, which led to the desire to fight, which led to more self hate. She was one of those crew members. B'Elanna took a deep breath and steadied her face and emotions. She focused on Seven's words. Being angry or fighting was not going to help, and she had already done harm in the past. So the least she could do in this moment was listen.</p><p>Seven noted the physiological changes of B'Elanna, and continued, "I was wondering how, as a mixed race person, you have found harmony between your identity and the conflicts."</p><p>B'Elanna blinked. Seven's question was not what she had been expecting. She hadn't found harmony. If anything, B'Elanna had actively sought to erase all parts of her Klingon self, however impossible.</p><p>"I—" B'Elanna began, lost. "I don't know, Seven. I can't even control my Klingon urges half the time."</p><p>Seven nodded. A long moment hung in silence.</p><p>"Lieutenant, have you ever considered that your desire to suppress urges leads to more outbursts?" Seven felt the energy around B'Elanna shift instantly. Everything around B'Elanna was bristling with energy.</p><p>B'Elanna inhaled through her nose, her jaw jutting out, blood pressure rising, hands itching for a weapon. She could smell Seven's reactions to her and it fed her anger, fueled the itch in her palms. She clenched her teeth and suppressed the menacing growl in the pit of her stomach. She closed her eyes and breathed long and deep.</p><p>B'Elanna's voice had a deeper quality as she spoke calmly and quietly, her nostrils flaring.</p><p>"I have appreciated your help and enjoyed your company, Seven, but I think that I'm done for the day. We've both earned a bit of rest, and I think it wise for me to leave, now." With that, B'Elanna got up and strode to the cafeteria doors.</p><p>Seven was not confused by the lieutenant's mixture of behavior, but she was confused by B'Elanna's words.</p><p>"My words have elicited an angry response. I apologize, Lieutenant."</p><p>B'Elanna stopped as if stunned by a phaser. She squared her shoulders and slowly turned, face set, "That's just it, Seven. Everyone thinks they have a solution to the problem of my existence. Do you honestly think I would have chosen this life? To have the desire to fight any time someone disagrees with me? To have the urge to fight you, now, my blood singing for the pleasure of your pain?" B'Elanna took a deep breath, eyes hard and jaw set as Seven walked toward her.</p><p>"I have found that I like your anger."</p><p>"What?!" B'Elanna all but growled as Seven moved within reach. B'Elanna clenched her fists and sneered.</p><p>Seven settled into her signature Borg pose, hands behind her back, and at this point, B'Elanna had no idea what to do.</p><p>"Is anger inherently bad?" Seven asked.</p><p>The darker woman inhaled long and slow. "You asked how I find harmony between my identities. I don't. I find conflict. Pain." A sharp exhale and step towards Seven yielded no interruption of B'Elanna's response. The silence of the empty messhall during the gamma shift grew. Without any interruption or argument, B'Elanna strained for words. "Tuvok thinks he can program you with meditation, Janeway thinks she can program you into being human, but they are one thing. They come from one planet." The words were quiet, but forceful in the dimming light.</p><p>The shorter woman took in another deep breath through her nose and held it, control echoing in the ridges of air through her lungs and out from her lips. Looking around the room, her arms shot out listlessly "There is no Vulcan meditative technique that is going to magically build consensus between Grethor and Heaven, between Miral and John Torres." B'Elanna whirled around, clearly still upset. "I mean—" an upturned hand motions to Seven as B'Elanna laughed humorlessly, "Can you imagine finding middle ground between Federation guidelines and the Borg? What would that even look like? Half genocide?"</p><p>Scoffing, the engineer turned away, anger gone, deflated by the ridiculousness of the notions.</p><p>Turning back, licking her lips, B'Elanna stared hard into Seven's eyes, searching for understanding. Seven had no answer and so she remained still, stoic. These were all things she had thought before. The point in them was not novel, the answer still elusive.</p><p>B'Elanna looked down and huffed a toneless chuckle as her hands gestured up and fell limply against her sides. "None of this is your fault." She searched the floor for something, working something in her mind and looked back up to Seven with a fleeting smile. "I wanted to share something with you tonight, and...when you took a chance to ask me a question, I blew up." Dark eyes flitted as deft fingers twitched at her sides. "I'm sorry I can't help you, Seven."</p><p>Biting her lip like she did at a difficult problem in main engineering or when she's arguing Janeway, B'Elanna looked up and gave Seven a sad smile, before nodding as if to herself. "Anyways. Thanks for the help in engineering and sorry I can't help you more." Another nod, then, "I'm going to go."</p><p>Seven said goodnight to a retreating form.</p><p>She retrieved the champagne glasses from the abandoned table and looked around. A bowl of fruit on the island, neatly stacked dishes, the clinging warmth of old smells pressed into a mess hall never designed to be in this moment of space, never designed to find her, Seven of Nine.</p><p>Caressing the pink stain at the rim of glass, the pad of her thumb dragged slowly back and forth. The familiar ache in her chest whispered wider and she inhaled deeply to fill the void before shoving the glasses into the replicator with a command to recycle.</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>